Mind Overload

Today's Weight: 189.6 lbs
Weight Loss in September: 2.0 lbs

This blog is probably going to be all over the place as that is how my mind is today. I seem to have a lot on my plate right now and I am just going to start blogging and see what comes of it.

First things first...September is almost done and it's good to see that I have lost some weight, however, that number isn't anywhere near where I wanted to be. I'm making a strong push this week because I have a side bet with my best friend and a pint of jack or crown goes to the winner. I love me some JD, so I'm going to have to work pretty hard. My eating has been awesome, I've got two great workouts in already this week, going to get my third today after work. I have blogged about it a lot and I'm kind of all or nothing, and it appears as though I'm back into the all personality part of it. I have a goal (to beat my friend) and I'm going to try my hardest to get there. Also, I was just talking to my girlfriend and I think I am a happier person when I am working out. I don't always super enjoy what I'm doing, but I love how I feel afterwards, and I think it sets me up to be in a good mood all day.

School is going alright, however, I have come to the conclusion that I am not a science or math person. I'm just not a fan, and it really doesn't interest me at all. I'm taking a stars and galaxies physics class for a gen ed and it sucks so hard. Most uninteresting thing in the world to me. Plus, there is a lab involved which is all math and bs. Not happy about it. I do like business, however, the classes I'm taking are accounting (which comes pretty easy to me, but just seems like busy work) and statistics (which is a shit ton of work). Then I have another gen ed "healthy living" and I have a sneaking suspicion that my professor is illiterate. Good thing I've study most of this already on my own. So that's whats going on with classes...

I recently suggested to Billy to put something in his e-book about self-image, and he suggested I read the blog inner fat. I seem to be struggling with this a lot. It seems as though the smaller I get, and the healthier I get I still feel like that 260 lbs Jason. Even when I make my way through crowds and stuff, I make sure there is enough room to bring my 260lbs frame through. I don't know if this happens because I was big for such a long time and just got use to it, and now I just need to break those habits...It just kind of wears on my some days that I'm always going to feel fat. I think this is why a lot of people gain all the weight back (especially emotional eaters) because they just are so use to that self image that, like Billy said in his blog they fulfill that self-fulfilling prophecy.

I am in NO way saying that I'm giving up nothing like that. If anything I think this is going to always keep my fueled to lose weight and stay in shape. It's just weird how powerful the mind truly is. I mean, in high school I wasn't "fat" but I wasn't in shape either, but I felt super fat. Then in college, assisted with booze I did become that fat guy, however I never really felt fat until one day it just snapped and now it seems as though I can't shake the fat guy feeling. I have no idea if this is making sense at all, but it's just something I think about all the time.

I guess I need to just start focusing on the positives and not the negatives. It seems as though when I look in the mirror I don't look at all the progress, I just look at what I want to change or how fat I think certain parts of my body are...I don't know, just crazy rambling right now.

I know this was all over the place so I apologize for that. I feel as though I'm back to how I felt when I first started. I have the desire, and I'm going to make the rest of September count! Hope everyone has a great week!