Mind Games...

Today's Weight: 198.6 lbs NEW LOW!
3-day Average: 199.06 lbs (haven't gotten to 5 days yet)
Ocean's 11 Challenge: - 8.54 lbs (based off 3 day average)


So real quick up date before I get to what's on my mind. I've been eating 100% clean, I probably could be doing better on the water intake, however it isn't terrible. I also should be getting more sleep, so I'm thinking about taking a little nap when I get home from class and then getting to bed kind of early. I still haven't adjusted to working out real early (usually around 7-ish). I don't know if I'll get a workout in today, and being a cardio day I'm not all to concerned considering I'll be walking to and from class (about 2 miles) and I did cardio yesterday. Also, I've been back on the fish oil and multivitamin daily which I think is good for me. I probably don't get as much fats as I should so that fish oil is helping on that front. So that's what's going on on the weight loss front...

Now I apologize in advance if this seems scattered and unorganized because it is. I've been thinking about this for a while and I just can't really find the words to put it into a blog so I'm just going to start typing and see what comes of it.

I remember reading one of Billy's blogs a while ago and he was talking about how when he was the big Billy he had like a tank like mentality about himself. I think I was like that in a way, but for the most part when I was heavy I was in such self denial it was as though I was a skinny guy trapped in a fat dude's body. I always had the mentality of being skinny or not fat. Now that I have become self aware of my obesity, even though I've made a 60 lbs difference to date I feel fatter today than I did when I started this. It now feels as though I'm that fat dude in a skinnier body.

I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I mean it's good because it's keeping me motivated because I am by no means where I should be or where I want to be. I'm just a little bit concerned with that fact that maybe my self esteem has gotten worse throughout this process. I really hope that isn't the case and I don't really think it is, but when I see myself now all I really see is what I can work on oppose to how much better I look. The whole self-esteem issue is a really big concern for me because I've always been a really confident person. Yeah, I might be a little shy and not as outgoing as some, but I've always been really confident, not afraid to be myself or speak my mind. I guess these are just some of the issues or mind games that go on when you completely change your outside appearance...

I know this is getting long, but I also wanted to talk about something else. I think I am extremely lucky, and I get away with a lot more than some other fat bloggers because of one reason. I hardly ever get cravings. I see so many of your guys' blogs and I feel so bad because I can't really relate and it seems as though I'm just coasting through this while you guys are really working your asses off. I for the most part have to make myself eat because I don't get that hungry throughout the day. I don't really like fast food, so I don't have much temptation in regards to that. I don't really have a sweet tooth, it'll hit me maybe once every 3 months. Seeing that weight loss is primarily about diet, the sole fact that I started cooking instead of eating out has probably lost me at the very minimum 20lbs. Also, the other reason I think I get away with a lot of things is because when I'm drinking or what not, i don't really f-up to often food wise. I think that's primarily where drinking hurts a lot of us, is we let our guard down and eat poorly. I for the most part don't do this and that goes back to what I just said...

I guess what I'm really trying to say is that you guys really motivate and inspire me. The way you can push through those strong urges and resist. It's awesome. It makes me want to work-out harder and eat even cleaner. Much thanks goes out to everyone that has kept on me and commented on my blogs, and also to Billy for starting this whole thing. It has already changed my life, and I am not even done yet.

Well, this has gone on for a pretty long blog so...Keep up the great work everyone, and lets see a strong finish in the Ocean's 11 Challenge!